musings on turning 24

i usually love birthdays but i am ready to say goodbye to this age

it is my last week being 23. here are some things im pondering upon.

• experiencing things makes your life and your time expand. it differentiates your days from one another. doing hard things instead of taking the easy route stretches time. time moves quickly when you are not doing things. days turn into weeks. say yes more.

• your money is your money to spend. that is what you work for. you could get hit by a bus tomorrow.

• just because something is comfortable and familiar and maybe feels safe, does not mean it is. starving yourself is not a comfortable or sustainable crutch anymore and you know that.

• you can be that 20 something year old that spends money on trying new things. you can take classes for pottery or yoga or whatever and go to special events. this is your life, remember?

• it is okay to not do something because you don’t feel like it even though it was in your agenda. no one is watching you all the time. no one is giving you a gold star for doing things. you don’t need to be so productive to be worthy of just being.

• again, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow. so stop worrying about all of the most little nonsensical futile unimportant things.

things that 23 brought

• an appreciation and love for cottage cheese

• an appreciation and love for craft beer

• noah

• seeing snow for the first time in 15 years

• camping alone for the first time

• trying ceramics

• visiting eastyn on kauai

• starting (and quitting) my first remote job

• starting (and quitting) a coffee shop job

• trying bar-backing and bartending and realizing i don’t like it

• trying rock climbing and realizing i am very scared of heights

• trying aerial silks and realizing that then the heights do not bother me (i don’t know why)

• reaching one year at a restaurant job (continuously.. for the first time.. ever.. i always quit)

• saying goodbye and selling my van

• seeing the grand canyon and realizing its cool but the park has too many people and im probably okay with never going again

• moving into a real house with a real rent on my own to stay in one place for a while for the first time

• still getting carded at every single bar and getting my ID almost taken away too often because i still can look seventeen

• still having absolutely no clue how to feel like myself